I suck for not blogging..

When I started this blog, I made a promise to myself to keep up with it.. I havent written a single blog since June.. Its December so guess i didnt keep up with it too well..

So what can I do but blog..

A half truth is a whole lie.

I almost have too much going on right now to even blog.

I haven't been able to organize my thoughts enough to post.. I know its been a while since I wrote a decent blog. It won't be too much longer.

Did I do that??

klutz
n. Slang
1. A clumsy person.

yepp. thats. me all right

dropped twelve glasses at the OBizzle on Wednesday.. almost fell and died, but Yule saved my life.. lol. then last night i dropped a ramekin of ketchup and got it on like four people, myself included.

yea.. im having one of those weeks.

I would name him.. Chuckles.

OMG. I want an Aye- Aye Lemur.. Its so ugly its cute.

Too bad they're endangered.

Wing Night..

So last nightt.. pretty fun..

Don't get me wrong I always have fun when I go out.. But last night i got to see a lot of people who i havent partied with in a long time. It was good to see everyone.

..plus i might have gotten just a little shitty.. haha.

Thats just how we do things. lol.

Made great money at work too.. Especially since I only waited on two parties all night.

Plus this was the very first night in the history of my life that i have had my three best friends in the same area.. Sadly enough it lasted about thirty seconds before one of them had to go..

Oh well.. Im gonna try again next Wednesday.. 35 cent wing night and PW's!!

brandi

Haters, keep doin what you do.

drama free is impossible.. i figured that out already.

especially when you work in a restaurant and live in a small town..

poeple are always going to gossip. i hate people who gossip especially the ones who have no fucking clue wtf theyre talking about.

the only thing i can do to stop gossip is cease to exist. and thatll never happen. so ive taken an official position on the matter..

as long as there is gonna be haters out there who need to hate then i guess who better else for them to hate then on me :)

so feel free. talk as much shit as you can before your jaw falls off. the more people you talk shit to, the more people that are gonna remember my name.

oh and as usual, if your reading this and you think its directed at you, most likely it is.

brandi

Quote of the Week!

haha.. just cause I said I would post this..

Compliments of H. Adams.

"I think I picked up humping from Nick.." hahahaha..

oh gosh.. long story. we stay grillin.


anyway.. well had an awesome weekend..((GO CAPS!)) ..but nothin i feel like blogging about.

-till next time,
brandi

oh and ps. for the record, lost my temporary bank card the day before last. luckily i had gotten the new one in the mail and when i activated it the temporary one was shut off.. geeezz.. still need that fanny pack.

I'll sleep when I'm dead!

Okay well I didnt think I really had anything to blog about but then once I logged on shit started coming to me.

First, let me start by saying, if you know me, then you know I hardcore burn the candle on both ends.. I work two jobs and some weeks work up to 95 hours a week. This is not the case most weeks, I usually average about 70- 80 hours. Add this to hanging out with my friends and the time I spend eating and that's just about takin up all my time. Needless to say I dont get as much sleep as I should and I basically survive on Nos and RedBull.

Anyway long story short Saturday I took three naps, (like Im 95 y/o). Saturday night when I got home I basically feel right asleep, sometime about 12:30 or 1am. When I woke up in a complete haze of course, didn't know where my phone was or even what day it was, so I go look at the microwave which said 6:28. At this point im so confused about why the microwave says its almost six thirty, so i finally find my phone in my bed, it says six thirty and i still didnt beleive id slept so long so i looked at the sun, it was setting, definetly slept for about 16/17 hours. wtf.

I was supposed to be at Outback at 3:30. So I called in, apoligized like 800 times to KatieH. Who was covering my section.. Lucky for me, she's a total sweetheart cuz I'd be so pissed at me if I had to work and wasn't supposed to. Anyway, so I got there about 7 worked for three hours, made $24 and came home and went right to sleep for another 8 hours before coming into work this morning.

&& I feel like I could sleep for another day and a half. Well, I guess it all caught up to me.

My candle is fully rewaxed. lol.

On top of all this delightful mess that is my life, people are talking about shit they have no business duscussing. I hate that.

Anyway, im over it.

brandi

For the record.

I fell backwards onto my ass..

Not as bad as landing on my face, but not too much better.

At least this way I bounced back.

;)

Gotta find a new one to climb on now.

So to speak..

So yesterday when I went to order my new bank card and get a temporary one and what not.. the woman at the bank saw the last transaction on my card was the $100 deposit for skydiving in OC.

She didn't think I made that transaction, when I told her it was me, she seemed dissapointed that my card wasn't stolen. No comment about that.

Bitch.

.............................................................

What does it mean to be on the fence about something?.. ((this is ironic cuz i have a bruise the size of a grapefruit on the side of my thigh from tryna get my fat ass over a literal fence last weekend)).

I mean i know the meaning of the phrase but what if your comfortable on the fence? What if you like it on the fence?.. The thing is eventually you gotta fall one way or the other I guess.. Im just tryna figure out the right time to jump so I don't end up landing on my face.

Hmph. This may not be the best of choices but I may just spend a few months on the fence until one of two things happens.. I fall, one way or the other, or I get pushed forward. Or pulled rather.

Im just as scared to fall forward as I am to fall back.. But I can't sit up here forever.. Eventually I'll get tired of just sitting here.

Last weekend, I jumped off the fence, forward, I landed on my feet. But it still left a huge bruise from climbing. Was the bruise worth the leap forward? What else could that leap cost me? What has climbing up here in the first place going to cost me?

The road on the way to the fence was smooth and paved. But looking down from up here theres a valley of jagged rocks to land on..

Im hoping to sit up here until just the right moment and gracefully leap to the other side.

If you know me, you know how un-graceful I am.

Is that right moment where Im safe to jump ever gonna come?

.............................................................

My Rodeo better be home to mama by happy hour Friday.

.............................................................

Yours Truly,

brandi

Fanny Pack.

fml.

i lost my phone and bank card on saturday.

i need a fanny pack.

my track record with losing things is pretty serious.

i just can't seem to get my shit together lately.

TANDEM!

Paid off the hotel for July today..

made the reservations and put down the deposit for skydiving..

the plane will climb to about 12k feet from the ground, when we jump well be about 2.5 miles up.

fall for about 45-50 seconds at 120 mph.

IM SO EXCITED.

"Money, money make me cum.."

Sometimes I think my life is just some big cosmic joke.

Shit storm is probably an understatement.

Happy MF Monday!

ps. for the record, drivin the Sante Fe hasn't been that bad, bitch gets way better gas milage than the Rodeo.. but I hardcore missed my sunroof yesterday.

i should have it back in about two weeks though. (!!)

:D

also.. just finalized the reservations for the hotel for our skydiving trip in July. Haven't told LeAnn yet but shes gonna be mad excited.

<3

DRAMA FREE

If you know me, you know I do not like drama.

I don’t like people in my business.

And although I have a pretty extraverted personality, I am private about certain things.

The things I do, who I hang out with when I am not at a party or at work and who I am or am not dating or fucking are things on that list that I don’t think are anyone’s business. If I tell you about the situation it’s your business because I spoke to you about it.

If I didn’t then it’s none of your fucking business.

If you need to stop and think if this is directed at you, most likely it is.

Before you speak think about the consequences of what you’re saying, especially if you’re saying it to someone you know it’s going to hurt. More importantly don’t speak on subjects that you are completely ignorant.

That’s all I have to say about that.

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere

ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

–MLK Jr.

R.I.P.

Death is easy. Death means never having to hurt again.

Life is hard. Life means having to fight every single day.

Rest in Peace Kenny Ryan Johnson.

April Fool

I decided last night that I was going to let myself be mad for the rest of the night and when I woke up today I wouldn't be all pissy anymore about the Rodeo.

It still sucks, I still don't have a vehicle, but Im over it, Im workin it out.

On the bullitan board in my office, as well as on the wall in my cubicle at my last job I have a bright hot pink piece of card stock with the following quote...It gets me through the day.

"Attitude- The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me, is more important that facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think, appearance, giftedness or a skill. It wil make or break a company..a church..a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we embrace. We can't change our past.. We can't change that people will act a certain way. We can't change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is focus on the one thing we can change, and that is our attitude. I am convinced life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I can react to it. And let me begin with me."

-Charles Swindoll

Soo.. I decided to bring in the new month with a new attitude towards all the car poeple trying to screw me over. I'll get it fixed myself, fuck em.

FML!!!!!!

FUCK MY LIFE.

IM HAVING ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHERE THE NEXT PERSON TO GIVE ME EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF ATTITUDE IS GOING TO MAKE ME FUCKIN SNAP.

I WANT ANY READERS TO KNOW THAT I AM TYPING THIS BLOG EXTREMELY ANGRY.
NOT JUST ANGRY BUT ANGRY TO THE POINT THAT I COULD CRY.

I BLEW UP MY RODEO. THE MANUFACTURER WILL NOT COVER THE REPAIRS BECAUSE I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL OWNER. MY WARRANTY WILL NOT COVER THE ENGINE BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE DRAIN PLUG WAS LOOSE. SO THEYRE POINTING FINGERS AT JIFFY LUBE.

WELL OF COURSE I'M NOT GETTING SHIT OUTTA JIFFY LUBE UNLESS I TAKE IT TO COURT WHICH IS GOING TO COST ME A GRIP AND MONTHS OF TIME UNTIL IT GETS SETTLES..

MEANWHILE MY TRUCK IS NOT RUNNING AND TO HAVE IT FIXED IS GOING TO COST ME $8,642 FOR PARTS AND LABOR.

I JUST GOT FUCKED AND I CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT.

I’VE PULLED A FEW STRINGS AND HAVE GOTTEN QUOTES FROM A FEW FRIENDS THAT ARE MECHANICS, WHICH OF COURSE NONE OF THIS DOES ME ANY GOOD UNTIL I GET MY TAX MONEY BACK CUZ I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A FEW GRAND JUST LAYIN AROUND. UNFORTUNATELY DUE TO THE RECESSSION IT SEEMS THE IRS IS TAKING A LITTLE LONGER THIS YEAR TO GET REFUNDS SENT OUT..

I CHECKED THE STATUS ON MY REFUND ON THE IRS SITE THIS MORNING.. I'M NOT GETTING ANYTHING TILL THE END OF APRIL.

SO BASICALLY FUCK MY LIFE.

Just As Lost As Ever & Lovin It.

Lately I’ve been having a hard time completely forming a decent blog.
I halfway write one then its goes nowhere so I delete it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about different kinds of relationships, marriage included && the role that sex plays in those relationships. I’ve also been thinking a lot about the term “soul mate”, what it means and if it’s even possible.
More importantly, these thoughts have forced me to ask myself if I can picture myself with one person for the rest of my life.
One person for the rest of my life? Wow.
Do you believe in having a soul mate? If you do is the person you’re currently dating your soul mate?
If not why are you dating them? That’s what dating is about isn’t it? Sorting through all the Mr./Mrs. Wrong’s to get to Mr./Mrs. Right?
Or is dating more about experience? Is it about finding the qualities you like in another person? Or is it really about you and learning how to deal with different types of personalities?
Is the time you spend “dating” just preparing you for years with Mr. Right?
Or is dating something we invented because we are really all lost and just trying to co-exist?
Marriage.. Divorce..Friends with benefits..Girlfriend.. Boyfriend..Fiance.. Baby Mama..
Where does it start? More importantly where does it end?..

Love at first sighht? Or do you have to develope love?..
Relationships are kind of like education. Even after graduation there is still more to learn. You work at it and you learn. Even after years even decades in an industry people go back to school.
Even after decades in a relationship you have to work at it.. You have to discover new things.
People are constantly evolving in every aspect. Relationships are no different.
Is being single a curse or a blessing?
At times it can be both. I couldn’t be happier right now knowing I’m single but then there’s times when I can’t help but feel like I’m alone, even though I know I'm surrounded by friends and family that love me, it’s not the same.
I’m not afraid of commitment that’s for sure. I am afraid of being stuck in a relationship I don’t want to be in. But how many of us are in relationships we no longer want to be in because it’s convenient? Or because a partner gives us a false sense of security?
Well this blog ended up being way more questions than answers. As soon as I figure any of them out I’ll blog again.

brandi

& this bird you cannot change.

I recieved some very unfortunate news yesterday.

Its news that would break my heart if its true.

Im having a really hard time deciding what to do with this information..

Its possible it was fabricated knowing it would get back to me.

God doesn't like ugly. Your supposed to forgive.

Tomorrow is promised to no one..

But this time I don't know know if I can forgive.

I can easily say the words I forgive you, but it would be a lie, I don't think I can forgive. I don't have it in my heart yet..

Ive had to be the bigger person my whole life and I don't know if I can this time.

But can I live the rest of my life being angry?

If it is true and I take no action I will be making a mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life.

Is regret stronger than anger?

Can false forgiveness over power anger?

The anger brings me sorrow, I want to let it go, but I have to do it in my own time.

Now im on a deadline.

Do I believe the news and go against everything I believe in and just accept things for what they are?

What if its not true and it was all a set up?

Even if the news isn't true now, it will be one day.

I didn't expect it now though. I didn't wanna deal with this so soon.

Im not ready to deal with all the emotions.

I know I have to find the strength to face this, I don't know if I can do it soon enough.

Im being forced by my better judgements and faith to start trying now for the first time in my life.

If I don't I will be sorry. I know it has to be me. It's not fair.

Then again, no one ever said life was fair.

“If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me? I must be traveling on now, there’s too many places I’ve got to see. If I stay here with you girl, things just wouldn't be the same. ‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now and this bird you cannot change. Bye, bye Mr. Sweet Love, you’re just a feeling I can’t change. Please don't take this so badly, 'cause the Lord knows I’m to blame.”

brandi

Substance Abuse

Well, Im finally ready to come out of denial and face my addiction.

I had to get a night job to support my problem..

..with shoes and purses.

I saw the Spring line for DOLCE&GABBANA yesterday.

I couldn't resist..

..At least I only bought 1 purse. I coulda had the wallet too, but I managed to muddle up some restraint.

<3

Bull Shit.

So since I was like 10 years old I have had this recurring nightmare about coming out of the grocery store and everyone starts screaming for me to get on the ground and curl up like a ball to protect myself.. I can never get down fast enough and before I know it I'm being flung into the air like a ragdoll by a bull that got loose that had charged at my stomach..

I have always believed this was some kind of internal conflict revolving around having red hair.. But lately the people Im with at the grocery store have changed.. In the dream I know Im with them, but I dont know who they are..

Hmmm.. My mind is a mystery to even me.. Particularly my subconcious.

"I was sure it wasn't open." -Wanda

It was locked!!!

I got a call from an AA Co. Police officer this morning asking if I was the owner of the Maroon Sante Fe..

They found Tabathas car!!!.. In some nieghborhood in Glen Burnie!!... and the window was busted, so WANDA did lock it when she parked it!!!

Woooo!! Im just glad they found it.. Now I wanna know who stole it..&& why the fuck they were in my driveway...

Utterly euphoric..

The cherry on top of a perfect weekend...

Since I got my taxes done on Saturday, within 10 days I will have the fundage to remodel my kitchen and build a shed!!!!!

Oh happy day.

The kitchen has not been updated since the house was built... In 1962!!!!!!!

New cabinets (the old ones are driving me insane), countertops, flooring and a new French door where there was a window.

Oh I just can’t wait!!

Then of course were gonna have a screened in porch added to the back of the house... And a hot tub.

;-)

Moral: You have to get lost to be found.

You ever had a smell or a song take you back to that exact moment when you first smelled that smell or heard that song?..

Of course you have, everyone has.

Friday night I was leaving my house (for a toy party that I ended up spending $50 at after vowing I wouldn’t spend a dime), and grabbed a body splash spray from my vanity...

I just happened to grab the Tropical Passionfruit, my body spray of choice when I was single about 2 years ago. I sprayed it and instantly had a smile on my face...

I was content with my life, more than content...Happy, before I sprayed it, but after I sprayed it..Now I can’t stop smiling...

I just want to keep spraying it.

I can remember it being July and being tan, tan for me, redheads don’t tend to get bronze or anything serious, and had just finished a two or three month workout period getting ready for Senior Week in OC... Single, that’s when I worked at Sunair, which is also a huge part of my life I don’t talk about too much. But in case there was any question, one of the happiest times of my life. I loved the people I worked with there. This job that was less than a half a mile from my house... Which made life even sweeter because at 5pm quittin time on Friday, I was home and ready to party by 5:05.

Anyway after smelling that body spray all evening, I had to see the ocean, I needed to be in OC, just to be on the island again, life just seems so much simpler there. Nothing to worry about except when the sun sets and rises and when the bars close… Of course it’s about thirty degrees in OC right now, actually right this second its forty six degrees (it’s on my desktop), so my partner in crime for the last few years and I grabbed a few things out of my room, including the body spray, and headed east on Route 50. (It took us about 30 seconds to decide she would drive since the Cavey gets like 60 mpg.)

Anytime either of us mentions the beach the other quickly agrees an immediate trip is necessary, so of course at this point it was after midnight on Friday, I had to be back by 5pm Saturday to get my taxes done, but we were too far involved by then, already amped for the trip not ready to be rational, LeAnn even considered taking on a pet (a hermit crab).

So by the time we had prepped at my favorite place on Earth, Exxon, and made our trip to OC it was almost 3am... after cooking on the grill most of the way there, we drive off the bridge to get onto the island and get pulled over, luckily the cop wasn’t prick of the year, and gave LouAnn a warning. We checked a few hotels till we found one that was open, finally got a room at the Monte Carlo on 3rd Street, and took an early morning stroll to the beach where it was absolutely freezing... But so familiar it didn’t even matter. We sat out there for about a half hour before crashing in the hotel...

Our little adventure ended with a short trip to the boardwalk in the AM and of course we had to visit the Panda Buffet right outside OC... Second greatest place on Earth. Stuffed ourselves with wontons, eggrolls, rice, and chicken...

Came home just in time to shower and get my taxes done, while LeAnn headed to a baby shower, then had the pleasure of spending Saturday night and Sunday morning with my brother Tyler, 13, two step sisters, Haleigh, 11, and Cheyenne, 9, and their cousins Alexis, 11, and Peyton, 7. Which I'm not gonna lie, they were so entertaining; I insisted they stuff balloons under their shirts and belly bump in the living room. Ahh good times... Loll.

Little sisters are good for a few things; Sunday morning I had a hair appointment with world famous beautician Cheyenne, if you’ve ever had long hair you know how good it feels when someone plays with it. No matter what I say they believe it, and whenever they first get to the house they rush to my shoe rack to check for new additions. Yess I know I’ve got them started young. Sometimes they get aggravating cuz the high pitched squeals never end when you put four young girls together, which I'm pretty sure I didn’t even want to tolerate when I was that age.. But then something happens that makes you forget all that. Sunday afternoon the neighbors two boxers one female, and her mate, jumped the fence into my yard.. Well when my five month old puppy tried to mount the female the male growled and broke out into a scuffle in our backyard where the girls were on the trampoline, I was in the basement with good friend Louie, when I hear this stomach curling scream, I don’t know if it’s a woman thing or if a child screaming in terror effects everyone the same, the growling of the other dog had scared the girls and Cheyenne was screaming my name to come save the dog.. Loll. Of course it wasn’t as big of a deal as it seemed to her but when I hear her screaming I dropped what I was doing and ran upstairs and from about five feet away she leaped into my arms and clung on for dear life.

The love of a child, their lives are so simple... It changes everything... I couldn’t help it but at that moment all I was worried about was making sure she wasn’t scared anymore. Even once she calmed down and I returned to what I was doing, I still couldn’t get that terrified scream out of my head, at the same time my heart swelled up when I realized why out of everyone she was screaming for me when she was scared… She looks up to me.. The pressure and responsibility of someone looking up to you is kind of scary but at the same time makes everything else seem less important, you just wanna do right by them.

Then, Sunday night, my weekend went out the same as it started... A trip around the block in the Cavey and a few episodes of Nip/Tuck.

So this weekend taught me a few things, even though I don’t want to be tied down right now and the thought of having to take care of anyone but myself makes me never want to date again, and how I want to pick up my entire life and move closer to the beach, one day I will want to settle down and have a family and forfeit my freedom to pass everything I’ve learned down to my offspring. Which will be the most important thing in my life, no matter what matters now, won’t mean anything once I have that love in my life.

This whole single thing is kind of amazing in a way. There are things I miss most definitely, but I know now that I need to do me for a while to get to the point where I want to be a wife and mother, something my mother, married and pregnant at 18 never got a chance to do... I understand now I have to be young and single and experience everything I can now so I can fully appreciate things later in life, potty training and sleeping with mom and dad cause she had a nightmare for example. loll. I always knew there were things I wanted to do before I married but I never realized that was the secret to a happy marriage, a happy life before marriage. By the time I am ready to marry I want to have done everything I could possibly do as a single white female in America, then I can do it all over again with someone I love, what more could a girl want?

Well, just had to get all that out..

&& to think it all started with a splash of Tropical Passionfruit.

Therapy comes in many forms. <3

brandi

Quote of the Week!

This is something Im gonna start doing.

This week there is three, because its been such an eventful week.

The first comes from the whole car theft incident.

"I was sure it wasn't open." -Wanda

...she just kept saying this over and over again and walking to the window and looking in the driveway. The repitition was funny.. So now everytime she says something to me i just reply "I was sure it wasn't open." No one is mad at her for the car getting stolen, it was completely out of her control, yet she feels guilty.. shes cute.

The second is somethin that has been stuck in my head from being around Mel& Steve and their crew and is the first thing that came into my mind when Wanda started screaming that the Sante Fe was gone..

"You mad!"...lol. ((Glad I locked my doors btw)).

&&The third comes from my afternoon walk today and conversation with a co-worker, who I truely believe should have her own series on Showtime.

"Crackheads don't care about food." - Bea

That just cracked me up, cause its true.

Yours Truely, Madly, Deeply, brandi.

((cuz i love that song)).

Rant with no point.

I believe to the core that everything happens for a reason.

Things are the way they are for a reason..

At this point in my life.. I am the happiest I have ever been.

I love my job, my bills are paid, I love my friends, my family is well.

I mean of course we could all use more money but Im not strugglin.

Things are coming along with the house.. Its Spring.. Finally starting to warm up..

Which has forced me to cash a much needed reality check and realize I needed to get back in shape soo.. been drinking a ton of water everyday.. I quit smoking ciggerettes, not that I was ever really a full on smoker but Ive cut down to like one or two a week at least. I usually have my Friday-drive-home-cig. Then maybe one on Saturday, if Im drinking.. Which I haven't been doing either.. been at the gym more or less everyday..

I feel good, I just can't wait until summer, I can't wait until I can throw clothes in the back of my Rodeo and head to the beach for the weekend..

AHH I love the beach.

MMmm.. That made me think of Fat Daddy's Sub Shop in Ocean City.. Oh they have the best cheesesteaks in OC.. Next time, or if ever your in OC, look em up..(They deliver.)

OOhh stomachs growling, almost lunch time.

Welcome to my neighborhood.

First of all let me start this post by saying I gave myself two blisters raking my front yard on Sunday all because of my neighbor and his stupid pine tree..

Its on the property line and all his stupid pinecones land in my yard. Asshole.

Im pretty bitter about this. In case you didnt notice.

So Sunday night came and after spending the day doing random things around the house I went to my room around 9 or 10pm.. Watched Nip Tuck till like 2am.. then got in the shower..

To go from my room in the basement to the shower you have to walk through the living room.. From my living room you can see out of our front bay window.. into the driveway..

In our driveway Sunday night sat my moms best friends Hyandai Sante Fe, my moms Sante Fe and my Isuzu Rodeo. Tabatha's (moms best friend) Sante Fe was parked all the way up against my house between the fence and my moms car.. My Rodeo was parked next to my moms car..

Tell me why the fuck someone decided to come into my driveway and not only go through my moms car.. (I always tell her to lock that shit and she nevers does.. I told her so) and take everything from the glovebox and console, but goes through Tabs car and finds her spare.. So they stole the car.. Because of where my mom and I were parked the theif had to drive around my nieghbors lawn ornaments to their driveway where they pulled onto the road..

Soo I spent Monday morning with a few of Anne Arundel County's finest explaining how the neighborhood I live in is mainly made up of retired white poeple, how theres never any crime, how a lot of people on the street leave their cars unlocked..and how I still couldn't beleive someone stood right in front of my bay window and went through my moms car while my porch light was on...

Somebody had serious balls that night.

I just hope they find her car and its not totaled.

I just wanna know who had the balls...

brandi

Untitled..For Now.

There is a fine line between love & hate.
There is a fine line between cute & creepy.
There is a fine line between genius & insanity.
There is a fine line between confidence & arrogance.
There is a fine line between crazy in bed & just crazy.

I will elaborate on this at a later date. Im going somewhere with it I just havent figured out which direction.

5/11/2009

I'm revisiting this topic, not because i figured out where i wanted to go with this, but just because everyday i discover new evidence that supports this.. Will revisit again at a later date..

Friday.

I just feel great right now. This is what true happiness feels like. <3

I’m not gonna lie I had to throw myself onto the floor to get out of bed this morning. I mean I could have slept in instead of coming to work, but honestly I’m just grateful to have a job that I love that I can depend on.

I feel great, went to the gym last night… Stair Master kicked my ass but it’s all good.

On top of that there was a cold grape Nos in my fridge when I went up stairs and Jesse got me a Yoo-Hoo at the Exxon this morning.

I'm just having one of those days where I’m just happy to be alive and everything is beautiful...I almost feel like my heart could explode from being too full of happiness. I know I'm being gay I’m just in a really good mood and I figured I should blog before my bi-polar self is pissed about something... Ha-ha.

It’s freezing outside but what the hell, the sun is shining, I'm gonna clean my truck out tomorrow... It’s Friday... Today is just the shit.

<3brandi

Im a Bitch.

I wouldnt normally do this but I havent stopped playing this song for about three weeks now because it sums up exectly how Ive been feeling lately. So im posting lyrics.

*****************************************

I hate the world today.

Your so good to me, I know but I cant change.

Tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe Im an angel underneath

Innocent and sweet.

Yesterday I cried, Must have been relieved to see the softer side.

I can understand how youd be so confused, I dont envy you.

Im a little bit of everything all rolled into one...

Im a bitch.

Im a lover.

Im a child.

Im a mother.

Im a sinner.

Im a saint.

I do not feel ashamed.

Im your help.

Im your dream.

Im nothing in between.

You know you wouldnt want it any other way.

So take me as I am, this may mean youll have to be a stronger man.

Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous and Im going to extremes tomorrow I will change and today wont mean a thing.

Im a bitch.
Im a lover.
Im a child.
Im a mother.
Im a sinner.
Im a saint.
I do not feel ashamed.

Im your help.
Im your dream.
Im nothing in between.
You know you wouldnt want it any other way.

Just when you think youve got me figured out the seasons already changin, I think its cool you do what you do and dont try to save me.

Im a bitch.
Im a lover.
Im a child.
Im a mother.
Im a sinner.
Im a saint.
I do not feel ashamed.

Im your help.
Im your dream.
Im nothing in between.
You know you wouldnt want it any other way.

Im a bitch.

Im a tease.

Im a goddess on my knees.

When you hurt, when you suffer.

Im an angel undercover.

Cant say Im not alive.

You know I wouldnt want it any other way.

Club Chronicles Part 1.

So a few girlfriends and I decided to drag ourselves to IGUANA CANTINA last Saturday night.. We actually ended up having a pretty good time.. drank for free of course. lol.

Anyway the reason for this post was actually to discuss dressing... the clothes and wear and how you wear them. Mainly because there was so many nasty bitches in the club that night that thought their shit was on point.. I just wanted to know why the fuck someone let you walk outta the house that way..

Ladies, when you get dressed, whether you are going to work, school, the club, to get your nails done, or if your just walkin the dog, your clothes and how you wear them represents you and should reflect the person you are.

Let me break it down for you. Dont dress like a slut then expect not to get harrassed at the club. Thats all Im saying.

And if you are in a dress, at the club or at work or at your grandma's house having birthday cake, there is a certain way you have to carry yourself in a dress.. theres a certain way to bend down, and how to sit. Basically keep your damn legs closed.

Clothes are like advertising, Of course you need to think of your audience first.. Who will be around you.. if your tryna meet a decent guy (first of all I wouldnt suggest the club), but if you are going to the club dont dress like a gutterslut and maybe just maybe youll attract a guy whos not a total waste of flesh.

When your dress is riding up over your asschecks, dont be mad if someone pulls up your dress on the dance floor, you pretty much asked for it.

When advertising yourself, less clothing is not always better, for some girls, the reasons behind this are obvious. Even if you have the body to rock it, skimpy clothes leave nothing to the imagination.

Im sure Ill have more to add to this later, but right now Im about to pass the hell out so well end on that note this time.

Oh and PS. the most important thing to remember when you go to the club.. what level of the parking garage that you parked on!!!

brandi

First impressions, not my strong point.

OK.. due to a recent post I just read I feel the need to sorta sum me up a little. haha.

When I first meet people.. and of course Im just going by the impressions i get from people.

They either think I look innocent, or they think Im a total crazy bitch.

For example, my friend Melanie, thought I hated her when we met.. I still havent quite figured that one out yet..Even now, sometimes I say things and she thinks Im being sarcastic when Im really just being straight forward. Example...the other day I complimented her sense of humor, cuz its just as twisted as mine and she called me a bitch. haha. I just stood there like.. hmm ok, she clearly took that the wrong way.

I tried to explain that I meant it as a compliment and she said it just sounded like I was trying to be a douche.

And of course theres the time that I spazzed on Frank.. He quickly retaliated. Once again, he also thought I was just crazy..

Poeple dont always know how to take me.. thats probably an understatement like shit but.. go with it.

I guess what I wanted to say is.. If i meet someone who i think is interesting, or someone i could learn something from im going to talk to them, even if they fight it at first, lol. If you look like drama I will avoid you.

I enjoy good conversation, I enjoy getting to know different people, I try not to be a bitch and keep my craziness to a minimal and Im definetly not as innocent as I look.

Im usually a little shy until I get comfortable enough to spaz. lol.

Im not really sure what impression people have of me once they get to know me better but I usually end up making friends so Ill leave it at that I guess.

Pro-Choice.

Its amazing how one night can change the rest of your life. Well how 20 minutes and something too small to see with human eyes can change your life.

As adults we have to make decisions that effect our lives forever, that effect the lives of the people we love.

These dicisions are incredibly hard to make.. Im not talking turkey or ham for lunch..

These decisions cause huge amounts of stress and after these decisions are made you are different forever.. No matter which path you take, your life has been altered.

You are now a completely changed person than you were a few days ago.

Within a few weeks, youve gained so much, but then its lost again..

You feel empty and alone.

Right now all i can do is pray that the decisions we make today, we can look back on and know the right decision was made, whichever that may be.

iill stand by my friends, through thick and thin, right or wrong, until i cant fight for them anymore.

brandi <3

Its just not your car.

Sometimes we get caught up in shit we shouldnt even be caught up in.

It just happens. I dont even know how..

When caught up in these situations you gotta take a step back and look at the big picture.

When this doesn't work, say what you gotta say and move on.

Let things go..

Personally Im a very passionate person, so generally speaking its hard for me to let things go.

Mix that with the fact that deep, deep, deep down Im a hopeless romantic and youve got a train wreck.

So again, refer back to the big picture.

Its kind of like seeing someone with a car that you would love to have but hate everything that person has done to the car... The person lives in your nieghborhood so you see the car a lot, and when you see it all you can think about is what youd do differently to the car.

Sadly, no matter how you look at it, its not your car.

Bottom Line.

brandi

Content. Not something Im used to.

Im not in a particularly good or bad mood today. Just livin.

Im content with everything.. everything is good at work.. Im enjoying life a little more now. Looking forward to shark fishing in April and skydiving in July. Love being single. Definetly what I needed.

Dating like this is new to me, but hell of a lotta fun. A few times lately Ive caught myself giggling or smiling like Im 14 again..Eventually I will commit to one person.. Not anytime soon though. Im only 19 and I wanna make sure I explore all of my options before settling down. I have to be truthful..I am looking forward to falling in love again. Evvventualllly.

<3

Besides its not like Im a duck or anything.

brandi.

Our Food Lion Adventure.

So Ok.. The story I am about to tell is 100% non-fiction. Completely not made up and has scarred me for the rest of my life.

A few days ago LeAnn and I are riding around and, you know, cooking on the grill and after were finished I needed to go to the grocery store to get a few things. We pull up into the Food Lion parking lot right off base, were just sitting there at first bull shitting about whatever.. Well because we were just kinda sitting there and it was pretty late there wasnt that many cars in the parking lot. I had opened the passenger door slightly and LeAnn was getting her shit together so we could walk into the store. Just about then this blueish mini van pulls up next to us. The guy drving is literally staring right at us.. For about 20 seconds I just tried to ignore him hoping maybe he would get the hint.. plus I was hoping maybe it just seemed like he was staring at us to me since we had been cooking on the grill.. Well since he pulled up on LeAnns side of the car and she was looking at me and talking she didn't know the creep was there.. I calmly broke eye contact with the creep and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I waited about 5 seconds then looked back at him and he did this really creepy man wave thing at us.. I calmly shut my door and said LeAnn, drive away. She was like Why??!? Because by this time she is in the middle of a story and has no clue this guy is staring at us. I said just please drive away. Well about that time she catches the guy out of the corner of her eye.. Looks at him long enough to be freaked out by the crazy ass look in his eyes and starts screaming that she cant find her keys which she had thrown in her purse when we were about to walk into Food Lion. She finally grabs her keys and we drive away down the parking lot where were going in circles because she doesnt know where shes going and all i cant do is scream and say DRIVVVE! After about a minute of driving in circles we get back on the highway and take the long ass way back to my house.. I ended up not going to the grocery store that night.. But Im still freaked out. I was so paranoid for the rest of the night.

egh. creep.

TGIF

Im so glad this week is coming to an end. Its seems like its been so long. I guess since the last two work weeks have been short for the holidays..

Im so tired right now.. Ive had a redbull and two cups of hot tea and I can barely keep my eyes open.

But Im in a really good mood and its Friday.

:)

brandi.

Always on my mind.

This might not even make any sense to anyone, I just need to write.. I feel like it is gonna help me get this shit off my mind.

Certain people that have been in my life, all of my life, I dont see anymore. Its been this way for a while. There are people that think I will eventually have this person in my life.. Which may or may not be true.. All I know is that it definetly will not be anytime soon. This person never truely knew me. This person pushed me out of his life because of the way he demanded things be, the way he treated me and others that I love.

For these things I will never forgive him. I will never forget the way he made me feel. Like I wasnt good enough. Like I didnt live up to the standards he created. Well what I recently figured out was that no matter what I did it was never going to be good enough for him. Neither of us were.

I learned a lot of things from this person. Things that will follow me through life, both good and bad things. This person taught me how to laugh, he taught me how to cry. He also taught me how to stand on my own two feet. He taught me that there is two people I can depend on in my life, my mom, and myself. He showed me how to be kind and loving. He showed me hate and anger. He showed me jealousy and he showed me sorrow. He showed me sensitivity and he showed me beligerence. He showed me faith and betrayal. He showed me charm and he showed me cruelty. Most importantly he showed me pain and how to survive it.

For all these things I am grateful because all of this made me the person I am today.

It really is true that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

I think about him everyday and Im sure I always will.

brandi.

My Plan for January.

I am starting to think that since my weeknights were recently all freed up that it was a blessing in disguise. I mean working 70 hour weeks was fun, but it was starting to wear on me.

If I can manage to not drive myself crazy with bordem then im gonna take a month or two off before looking for another serving job. Maybe hit the gym a little..

Well see if I last that long. Most likely Ill drive myself crazy inside two months.

If so Gunnings or the Stained Glass Pub are less than a mile from my house so there the first places im going to look. But like I said Im gonna try to enjoy the time off for a while.

Lobster Night.

well..

Chalk this one up to another life experience.

Lesson learned last night. If your working in a bar atmosphere, always ID and offer the fuckin lobster.

Thats all I have to say about that.

Working for the weekends.

Oh man.

Well scratch my entire post about getting drunk with coworkers. Egh. Got way too drunk with half of RamsHead Friday. I guess everyone had fun though. Which is all I wanted in the first place.

Egh.

Had fun though. haha.

Since its New Years and all I feel as though I should set a resolution.

I have a few.

1. Excercise more, eat healthier.

2. Be more patient.

3. Have more fun.

4. Worry less.

2009 so far has had its ups and downs. I few really awful things have happened, but a few things have happened that i know im gonna look back at and laughh.

Not yet though. Its too soon.

Lesson of the weekend.

Things are not always what they appear to be.

brandi.