Its just not your car.

Sometimes we get caught up in shit we shouldnt even be caught up in.

It just happens. I dont even know how..

When caught up in these situations you gotta take a step back and look at the big picture.

When this doesn't work, say what you gotta say and move on.

Let things go..

Personally Im a very passionate person, so generally speaking its hard for me to let things go.

Mix that with the fact that deep, deep, deep down Im a hopeless romantic and youve got a train wreck.

So again, refer back to the big picture.

Its kind of like seeing someone with a car that you would love to have but hate everything that person has done to the car... The person lives in your nieghborhood so you see the car a lot, and when you see it all you can think about is what youd do differently to the car.

Sadly, no matter how you look at it, its not your car.

Bottom Line.

brandi

Content. Not something Im used to.

Im not in a particularly good or bad mood today. Just livin.

Im content with everything.. everything is good at work.. Im enjoying life a little more now. Looking forward to shark fishing in April and skydiving in July. Love being single. Definetly what I needed.

Dating like this is new to me, but hell of a lotta fun. A few times lately Ive caught myself giggling or smiling like Im 14 again..Eventually I will commit to one person.. Not anytime soon though. Im only 19 and I wanna make sure I explore all of my options before settling down. I have to be truthful..I am looking forward to falling in love again. Evvventualllly.

<3

Besides its not like Im a duck or anything.

brandi.

Our Food Lion Adventure.

So Ok.. The story I am about to tell is 100% non-fiction. Completely not made up and has scarred me for the rest of my life.

A few days ago LeAnn and I are riding around and, you know, cooking on the grill and after were finished I needed to go to the grocery store to get a few things. We pull up into the Food Lion parking lot right off base, were just sitting there at first bull shitting about whatever.. Well because we were just kinda sitting there and it was pretty late there wasnt that many cars in the parking lot. I had opened the passenger door slightly and LeAnn was getting her shit together so we could walk into the store. Just about then this blueish mini van pulls up next to us. The guy drving is literally staring right at us.. For about 20 seconds I just tried to ignore him hoping maybe he would get the hint.. plus I was hoping maybe it just seemed like he was staring at us to me since we had been cooking on the grill.. Well since he pulled up on LeAnns side of the car and she was looking at me and talking she didn't know the creep was there.. I calmly broke eye contact with the creep and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I waited about 5 seconds then looked back at him and he did this really creepy man wave thing at us.. I calmly shut my door and said LeAnn, drive away. She was like Why??!? Because by this time she is in the middle of a story and has no clue this guy is staring at us. I said just please drive away. Well about that time she catches the guy out of the corner of her eye.. Looks at him long enough to be freaked out by the crazy ass look in his eyes and starts screaming that she cant find her keys which she had thrown in her purse when we were about to walk into Food Lion. She finally grabs her keys and we drive away down the parking lot where were going in circles because she doesnt know where shes going and all i cant do is scream and say DRIVVVE! After about a minute of driving in circles we get back on the highway and take the long ass way back to my house.. I ended up not going to the grocery store that night.. But Im still freaked out. I was so paranoid for the rest of the night.

egh. creep.

TGIF

Im so glad this week is coming to an end. Its seems like its been so long. I guess since the last two work weeks have been short for the holidays..

Im so tired right now.. Ive had a redbull and two cups of hot tea and I can barely keep my eyes open.

But Im in a really good mood and its Friday.

:)

brandi.

Always on my mind.

This might not even make any sense to anyone, I just need to write.. I feel like it is gonna help me get this shit off my mind.

Certain people that have been in my life, all of my life, I dont see anymore. Its been this way for a while. There are people that think I will eventually have this person in my life.. Which may or may not be true.. All I know is that it definetly will not be anytime soon. This person never truely knew me. This person pushed me out of his life because of the way he demanded things be, the way he treated me and others that I love.

For these things I will never forgive him. I will never forget the way he made me feel. Like I wasnt good enough. Like I didnt live up to the standards he created. Well what I recently figured out was that no matter what I did it was never going to be good enough for him. Neither of us were.

I learned a lot of things from this person. Things that will follow me through life, both good and bad things. This person taught me how to laugh, he taught me how to cry. He also taught me how to stand on my own two feet. He taught me that there is two people I can depend on in my life, my mom, and myself. He showed me how to be kind and loving. He showed me hate and anger. He showed me jealousy and he showed me sorrow. He showed me sensitivity and he showed me beligerence. He showed me faith and betrayal. He showed me charm and he showed me cruelty. Most importantly he showed me pain and how to survive it.

For all these things I am grateful because all of this made me the person I am today.

It really is true that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

I think about him everyday and Im sure I always will.

brandi.

My Plan for January.

I am starting to think that since my weeknights were recently all freed up that it was a blessing in disguise. I mean working 70 hour weeks was fun, but it was starting to wear on me.

If I can manage to not drive myself crazy with bordem then im gonna take a month or two off before looking for another serving job. Maybe hit the gym a little..

Well see if I last that long. Most likely Ill drive myself crazy inside two months.

If so Gunnings or the Stained Glass Pub are less than a mile from my house so there the first places im going to look. But like I said Im gonna try to enjoy the time off for a while.

Lobster Night.

well..

Chalk this one up to another life experience.

Lesson learned last night. If your working in a bar atmosphere, always ID and offer the fuckin lobster.

Thats all I have to say about that.

Working for the weekends.

Oh man.

Well scratch my entire post about getting drunk with coworkers. Egh. Got way too drunk with half of RamsHead Friday. I guess everyone had fun though. Which is all I wanted in the first place.

Egh.

Had fun though. haha.

Since its New Years and all I feel as though I should set a resolution.

I have a few.

1. Excercise more, eat healthier.

2. Be more patient.

3. Have more fun.

4. Worry less.

2009 so far has had its ups and downs. I few really awful things have happened, but a few things have happened that i know im gonna look back at and laughh.

Not yet though. Its too soon.

Lesson of the weekend.

Things are not always what they appear to be.

brandi.